Mentoring and Mental Health: A positive connection
The act of mentoring gives time for discussion, reflection and may include life skills such as meditation and journaling. It can also include raising awareness of issues and addressing them with practical action plans. All of these processes can help to improve the mental health of a mentee.
How does Mentoring Relate to Mental Health?
Mentoring is a personal approach to goal setting and self-reflection
Mentors can help Mentees deal with worries and anxieties
Mentoring can focus on problem solving and actions to resolve issues
The act of Mentoring or Mentorship has been cited as an act of kindness. It is. Giving back to someone else with your time, attention, and interest is a great gift. Mentorship is a two-way benefit for both parties. Want to learn more about the power of Mentorship? See my video summary on the topic.
At its core, mentoring is about helping another person. A mentor is somebody who advises, supports and guides another in the right direction.
Back in the 1990s, it was common for me to work 50 to 80 hour work weeks. My colleague and I discussed the need for "mental health days" -- these days reflect not an illness but a lack of wellness. We described mental health days as the need to recharge from the occasional dip in our circadian rhythms. Time to give ourselves a break and rest on those days when we're just not up for the slog of everyday life, let alone to be high-performing in our jobs.
The role of mental health is now better understood and appreciated by many. As part of this awareness, a growing body of work suggests that Mentorship can be part of managing mental well-being.
In the past 25 years of mentoring various people in different roles and career stages, I have seen an increase in focus on mental and physical health. In fact, I have experienced an increase in mentorships that addressed life's ups and downs. Each situation was different, as was the impact on the people involved. But it is clear mentoring career task-related goals is not enough. Mentors need to be prepared to be a listening ear and even sometimes act as confidant and coach for getting through life challenges.
So how do we address this kind of Mental Health during Mentorship? How to discuss Stress, Anxieties, and Worries with our Mentees?
Disclaimer: This blog represents my reflections and research on the power of Mentorship to help with mental health. In this article, I am addressing the daily concerns many of us have which may come up during mentoring. I am not addressing clinical mental health nor the need for medical assistance for serious situations.
How can Mentoring Help?
For Mentees, the act of spending time reflecting and addressing personal concerns is helpful. So often, we are buried with the present issues of tasks, errands, and action lists. We don't take time to think about our inner selves. Mentoring can be about many things, but personal reflection is a big part of my mentorship discussions. And these seem to be some of the most helpful topics for Mentees to cover.
Just the act of speaking out worries to an engaged, but not directly involved, person can be useful. Mentorship is about goal setting and inspiration - finding your motivation and then making a plan of action to reach goals. I have covered this in my Mentoring vs. Coaching Video which you can watch here.
But should mentoring only be about your work targets? No. High performers know that Success demands a holistic approach.
We have all heard about the early risers that take time to meditate, exercise, and balance themselves before getting deep into the work of the day. They 'feed' their physical, mental, and spiritual selves before asking their bodies and minds to focus on task problem-solving. If we take a cue from that, we can see the importance of addressing a balanced approach to Mentorship.
According to a UK study, Mentoring helps in real and practical ways.
We hypothesize that mentoring programmes can have a positive impact on both mentees' and mentors' mental health....We found that mentoring relationships provide a unique context to discuss and normalise their concerns, to share ideas for managing anxieties, and to find more meaning in their work.
How can Mentors be aware of this aspect of Mentorship?
In my Mentorship WorkBook, I create a structured start to Mentorship, which starts with self-reflection, SWOT analysis, and different personal goals. For more on the Mentorship Process and Workbook, click here for the the blog and get the free downloadable.
This approach allows for a broader conversation. While topics may include
"How to get a raise," or
"Professional skill improvements."
It can also include something deeper and more meaningful. When Mentorships address the life goals of another, they can include their unique situations and personal struggles. While this assessment does not have to dig deep into the aspects of motivations, challenges, and self-awareness - it certainly can. And my most successful Mentorship has included aspects of these deeper conversations.
It also may be that a Mentorship starts as a straightforward 'transactional' process of addressing career goals, but a life event can change the tone or focus of one or more Mentorship meetings. When these moments happen, and the conversation starts with a "how are you," which leads to sharing a really bad day or life crisis - I don't stick to our planned agenda.
Acknowledging that bad things happen and sharing in the pain of the other, empathizing, listening, and offering comfort may be more helpful at that moment. Some cultures cover grief and setbacks, and others do not allow for personal conversations to enter the workplace or professional space. But where and when possible, be human first. And allow for those moments when the meeting needs change focus when life 'goes off the rails.
It is helpful to understand if the situation is acute or chronic. Is it something that can be easily overcome, addressed, and withstood? Or is it a life condition: having young children or older parents can be stressful at times.
Some situations don't have an easy fix. So understanding the nature of the situation will help to create the context for the discussion.
What Tips can increase the focus on Mental Health during Mentorship?
Tips for Mentees
Stay Flexible and Reasonable
The world asks so much of us. We may find we have nothing left to give ourselves. So be reasonable with yourself. Know you want you are capable of and set boundaries.
When something happens that 'derails you,' take a moment to experience and process that. If your Mentorship relationship is working well. Share it. Your Mentor may not be able to help except to listen, but that can be enough. If you aren't looking for answers - feel free to share that you just need a listening ear.
Assess and take action
Sometimes when life gives you lemons, you can make lemonade, as the saying goes. So when you can, looks for actions to address issues. This can be addressing a problem head-on or reviewing your personal state - do you need more sleep, do you need a personal day? These are actions that can help you process issues before they rise to the crisis. We can't always change the situation, but being well-rested and feeling empowered will help you address it. And if action can help, you may want to discuss it with your Mentor. Role-playing and option reviews can be very helpful in preparing to address challenging situations.
Give yourself Grace
To paraphrase Shakespeare, sometimes the fault is in our stars, and sometimes in it in ourselves. We all fail to meet our own goals and needs, or we may feel we have failed our family, friends, or co-workers. When this happens, a deep breath and assessment can help. Most things are recoverable. Addressing the situation, resolving it, and, if needed, asking for forgiveness can get you back on track. And sometimes, that forgiveness needs to start with you. Be kind to others and yourself.
Tips for Mentors
Use a process
As mentioned above, my Mentorship Workbook includes a process where both parties assess their current state and future state goals. The Contract includes a confidentiality clause (important for dealing with sensitive topics) and a Roadmap for both parties to work through an objective during the Mentorship. This process gives structure and a place to start to understand the person you are partnering with.
Ask open questions and big questions
Go Broad: When you start a meeting, be sure to go broad at the start. The structured process should ensure there is a timeframe and agenda for the meeting, but it is helpful to ask how things are going. If everything is fine, proceed with the meeting, but if not, take time to share and address it. Even just to call out a bad day can be enough to help the other person understand the state of the dynamics underlying the meeting about to take place. This statement also goes for the Mentor. I have asked for meeting delays on bad days but also shared issues with my Mentorship partners. This does not have to be the focus of the meeting, but a short update keeps the meeting and relationship real.
Go Deep: But mentorship conversations can also go deep. During my initial meetings, I often ask a series of questions to help to understand my Mentorship partner, but I often find this helps them as well. Questions such as
Effective listening also requires our focused attention. Coaching is fundamentally incompatible with multitasking.
- Ed Batista, HBR How great Coaches Ask, Listen and Empathize
"What do you want to be famous for" - don't speak to being the next football hero, but what they really want to succeed at.
"What do you want your boss to say about you when talking to their boss." - is a question I try to get at how they think others or their aspirational perception perceives them.
"What is your future-self" - this goes deeper than "where do you want to be in 5 years". If you want to learn more about this, see my blog or video on Future Self.
Create the right framework and timeframe
Create a Track record: In Design Thinking, we might call this the Think, Feel, Want, Do quadrant. Journalling can also help when going through an extended rocky period to address the relationship between feelings, thoughts, desired outcomes, and actions taken. Reviewing the summary of this journal as part of the Mentorship sessions can be helpful. It can also be part of the Mentoring Roadmap and actionable as part of the Mentorship team's work.
Create the right timeframe: Because we can also have dips related to circadian rhythms, times of day when we are worn out or feeling too busy to really focus on Mentorship, it can be helpful to try Mentoring meetings at different times of the day or week to accommodate a changing situation for either party. Try to find the optimal time to meet to make the meeting positive and proactive.
Take a Walk: If meeting in person, try getting out of the office, take a walk or sit outside. If a change is (almost) as good a rest, then use this approach for your mentoring meetings. This can decrease stress and increase the ability to reflect objectively by both parties.
Ask for Help
If the issues seem bigger than you can handle, talk with your Mentee about getting other kinds of help. Unless the Mentor is a professional counselor or life coach, they will lack the training for serious issues. If in doubt, ask for help or have your Mentee seek out professional options.
Mentorship is a journey, and we never know where our road will take us. Being ready to listen and share life's ups and downs will keep your Mentorship authentic. While not every issue can be easily fixed by a mentor or coach. Helping someone feel more in control of their path and to have more agency can be a help all by itself.
Let me know what you think. Do you agree with the power of Mentorship on Mental Health? Was there a point I missed? What do you find important to this topic?
Please leave a comment below and let me know! Thank you for taking the time to read and review this article.