Overcoming self-doubt is one of the biggest challenges many of us face in life. Why? Social media, negativity from others, feeling of imposter syndrome, or your own internal critic can drive you to doubt your abilities, skills, and achievements. How to quiet the noise so you can succeed and feel good about yourself? So let's get real about what it is and what to do about it.  

Self-doubt is one of the major obstacles to living the life you truly deserve. Over time, self-doubt can lead to problems with anxiety and depression, which in turn can lead to serious physical ailments.

-Cynthia Thaik, Cardiologist, Author

By considering these three self-doubt Problems and the possible Solutions, you can counteract them. Doing so will help you become more in control of your life and manage the dips in the road no matter the source. 

Trust in Yourself

The Problem:  Many people measure themselves against social media friends, content, and likes. Social Media is a powerful tool. And like all tools, the user needs to know a few rules to keep from getting hurt. We all know that social media can be fun and a great way to connect with others, but the dark side includes false expectation setting, fake news, and bullying. 

The Solution:  Don't give your power away. The truth is that social media may be social but often shows a distorted view of reality. Remember that the term media refers to the distribution of information, not its correctness. So don't judge yourself by what you see. Enjoy it as entertainment, but not as the measure of how you should feel about yourself. And if you experience content that upsets you for any reason, block it and report it if needed. Don't be a victim to those who want to harm you. You have choices, so make good ones that help you use Social Media in a balanced and positive way.

Create a Positive Ecosystem

The Problem: You have friends, family, and co-workers who somehow judge you and find you lacking. They freely list your faults, repeatedly mention mistakes, and are unhelpfully critical. These 'frenemies' can create doubt and make you believe you are unlovable a loser, or a failure.  

The Solution: Know that you can choose how you interact with others and what you do in attempts to shake your confidence. For the most part, you don't need to accept, agree or react to the comments of others. Be prepared to deal with negativity that leads to self-doubt by making a personal plan. Don't be blind-sided by hurtful words. Instead, assess your Ecosystem. Then, prepare in advance for your approach to managing your reaction to those who drive your self-doubt. 

Consider your personal Ecosystem. That's everyone who you know and interact with regularly. It can be helpful to create a mindmap of these people, how they relate to you, and the importance of their input. Next note, how they make you feel. And plan response comments that drive your self-doubt. Taking control of your Ecosystem will empower you to act and mitigate the impact on your self-confidence. Your mindmap can include:

Criticism and feedback aren't always bad. It can help us grow. So be open-minded when you do get feedback, but when it is toxic, unhelpful, or spiteful - reject it. Based on your mindmap work, you will consider, answer or ignore the input. But more importantly, now that you are in control, you won't let comments defeat you. 

Build Self-awareness

The Problem: We are our own self-critic. Many of us have self-talk that undermines our confidence and makes us more open to the negative influences of Social Media and the criticisms of others.

When you undermine your own credibility and capabilities, you make yourself unhappy. And what's worse, you can create a downward spiral that leads to self-hate. 

The Solution:  The first step is in building your self-love. Find your inner cheerleader. When you get positive feedback: Stop, acknowledge it with a "thank you," and internalize it. This will help you to combat feelings of self-doubt. Doing so is an act of self-love. Another way to do this is to counter negative self-talk with positive statements. Have a few ready or use affirmations to train your brain to be a supportive and happy space. You may have been programmed to repeat negative statements from childhood, so give yourself time to learn this new skill and try practicing every day for a month.

Keep a journey to measure your goals to build self-confidence. To stay balanced, focus on building your own self-awareness. Understand your strengths and weaknesses and focus on addressing each of them one at a time. Own your mistakes and move on. Beating yourself up is not constructive to learn from or help you move forward. Being human means your going to make mistakes. 

Self-doubt can also come up when you are having issues coping. Learn to understand when you are exhausted and overwhelmed. Setting boundaries and saying no will help you define your personal space. When you (or others) expect too much from yourself, you may feel a failure. Be a role model to yourself and others by setting reasonable boundaries. Stay focused on your goals and needs. This will increase your success and happiness and help put self-doubt to rest. 

Years ago, when I was a young manager, I worked with a lawyer who mentioned she suffered from imposter syndrome. This surprised me as She was someone I looked up to as having both education and capabilities I lacked. I could understand it, but I could tell it bothered her. It was years later when I realized how many people suffer from this kind of self-doubt and how crippling it was for them.

Why do some suffer from self-doubt or imposter syndrome, and what can be done about it? It's not clear, but it is an especially sad kind of self-doubt since it robs you of your joys in your accomplishments.    

Some Solutions to consider:

1. Assess the internal - ask yourself why you feel this way. Look for the origins of the feeling.

2. Assess the external - ask a good friend to mirror their sense of your accomplishments. Then internalize that viewpoint and test it against your internal assumptions.

3. Consider how your needs are being served by holding on to this kind of self-criticism.

4. Sometimes you need to get out of your way - If you are doing good work, you are doing good work.

5. Service to others can help you value yourself in new ways, consider volunteer work to build your confidence and give back.

In Summary

So remember to stay in control of your environment, the kind of influences and inputs you let into your heart and mind.  

• Do stay aware of yourself and your feelings. Create self-talk that builds a helpful and balanced view of yourself.

• Do keep your Ecosystem positive.

• Do use Social Media to entertain and connect, not as a 'yardstick' to measure yourself.

• Do use feedback to address personal improvements, but remember, you decide what is true and actionable.

• Do be kind, be kind to yourself and others.

• Do create a mind map of your self-doubt triggers and understand their source and impact. Planning your response to these triggers will help you stay confident and capable.

• Don't let others frame how you feel about yourself.

• Don't take the bate if someone is pressing your buttons, bullying you, or challenging your decisions.

• Do set boundaries. Focus on your goals and successes.

• Don't stay in a continuous state of 'sorry.' If you make a mistake, own and fix it, but don't let others undermine your value.

To find out more on how to self-mentor, define your goals or build your interpersonal skills read more on ProjectSkillsMentor.com/Mentoring