Five ways to be a Better Mentor
How to be a better Mentor
Know yourself
Be Enthusiastic
Learn to listen better
Give honest feedback
Plan the journey
Mentoring is one of the most rewarding things you'll do. And getting better at it is a continuous process. But that is a great goal since it will help you be more effective and efficient and make a bigger impact on your mentees. But more than that, you'll be more satisfied with your ability to mentor. As a mentor for the past 20+ years, I have found that mentoring is a continuous journey of self-awareness and improvement. Here are some of the things I've learned and found in reading about Mentorship.
First of all, if you're not a mentor yet, or want to learn more about mentoring, go to this video to learn about the Power of Mentorship.
Ready to get started or all ready mentoring? Go to this blog and download the Mentorship Workbook - it's free and can help create an organized way of working. Or check out the video here.
Set yourself and your mentee up for success by considering these 5 ways you can improve your mentoring.
1. Know yourself
Mentorship is about helping someone know themselves, but you need to know yourself first to do that. In my mentorship Workbook, I have a process for understanding some things about you.
Complete the Mentorship Workbook's pages on:
5 things about me
Personal SWOT analysis
Your Mentoring Goals
And figure out what you want from Mentoring, what you can give, and how much of your time and attention you have to give.
You may say you want to help a mentee, which is great, but you need goals, too. Why? Mentoring takes time and energy. It feels great to give back, but by having an objective for yourself and sharing that with your mentee, the relationship will be more balanced. Your mentee wants to benefit you as well. So By knowing what you hope to get from Mentorship, you will be more realistic about the kind of mentee you want to work with. So, consider:
who you are as a mentor
what you are giving
what you are getting
What kind of impact do you want to make
Check-in with yourself and your mentee from time to find to make sure the relationship is working (again, my Mentorship Workbook has a place for this action as well).
2.Engage with enthusiasm
Asking someone to be a mentor can be quite daunting for any mentee. It's really important that they feel comfortable in doing so and will respond to your enthusiasm and kindness. They'll be more excited about the concepts of mentoring if you bring positive energy to the conversation.
Enthusiasm can also be in the way you ask questions to understand your mentees better:
outlook on life and work
personal situation and goals
ideas for how they want to address issues they have
"A mentor is someone who sees more talent and ability within you, than you see in yourself, and helps bring it out of you."— Bob Proctor
Another way you can show enthusiasm is by giving your time, focus, and energy. Every meeting can start with an update and action review but should also include the next meeting planned. Confirm meeting dates in advance and be on time for each meeting. Being physically present is important, but so is being mentally present. Be careful not to answer other calls or otherwise look like you are trying to multi-task. We are all busy but don't get stuck with the desire to mentor and the need to get something else done. It is better to move a meeting you can not fully honor with your presence.
3.Improve your listening skills
Listen not just to words but body language. How your mentee presents themselves;
how they sit
facial expressions
eye contact
non-verbal cues (such as slumping)
When the words and the body language don't 'agree", you sense an underlying issue is not being addressed, try asking a general question, such as:
How are you doing?
How do you feel today?
Can we stop the conversation and check in on how we feel right now?
Listening is a skill. Improving just this one aspect of your mentoring will make you better. Recognizing when you need to ask questions to help your mentee:
understand the situation
empathize with themselves or others
consider alternative points of view
consider alternative intentions
“Be the mentor you wish you had”
- Manuel Gruber
These questions are open and require you to listen carefully. You are trying to learn more about the situation and understand how the mentee experienced it. After all, when your mentee relates a situation and the people involved, you need to listen carefully to understand the mentee's point of view and listen for input that can help you raise awareness of the other person's viewpoint. Doing this can help you empathize with your mentee and give real and helpful feedback.
4.Give honest feedback
So you have listened and empathized while your mentee has shared a work situation. Your first inclination may be to agree with everything your mentee says for the sake of the relationship. Or disagree and share how you would have approached it. But this is an opportunity to give honest feedback through questions to build your mentee's awareness and insights.
You may realize that their boss or co-worker may be right in the scenario where the mentee suggests they were not. Or you may feel the mentee missed the point made by their colleague. You may want to make a few notes of your own thought, but I suggest you start with questions for your mentee to consider. Here are a few examples:
What do you think the other person was trying to tell you?
Do you think the point was understood by both of you the same way?
How would you handle the situation differently next time?
Why do you think they ask this?
Of course, these questions will depend on the situation. The idea is to see if questions and consideration by your mentee can add any insight. This is not a test. In life, there are rarely correct answers. However, it can show the mentor how well the mentee can see the situation objectively.
"My job is not to be easy on people. My job is to take these great people we have and to push them and make them even better."
— Steve Jobs
If you, as the mentor, feel the mentee misread the situation or could have reacted differently. I believe you should share it. After all, honest feedback is the cornerstone of mentorships.
When giving feedback, try to:
Be kind, never blame or belittle
Be specific, make clear statements
Give examples, point to documents or processes
Allow them to react and ask questions
Your feedback may be helpful. It may not be. But the purpose is for the mentee to take what is useful from that feedback and try to apply it as they see fit.
When working through business activities, share frameworks, models, and content sources that have worked for you and discuss how you use them. When possible, try to share content they can reuse. Need a resource to share with your mentee? Try the content at ProjectSkillsMentor.com or another site where you can review the information together.
Mentoring isn't about telling someone else how to do something. It's about helping them find their own answers for their journey. And once you have given advice, let the person consider it before asking for feedback. You can always follow up in the next meeting to see if any ideas discussed helped.
5. Plan the Journey
Planning your mentorship journey is a way to give your relationship a strong start based on clear goals. Take time to understand and meet each partner where they are.
Creating a process for each person's current situation:
goals and aspirations
preferred way of working
planned review of actions
and periodically review the Mentorship itself
Following a plan can help you move from a 'helpful conversation' into an activity-driven meeting that addresses goals and objectives.
Meeting shared or individual objectives is a great way to see the benefit of a Mentorship - and provides both mentor and mentee a sense of satisfaction and completion.
Part of the Mentorship process is understanding when you've given your mentee as much as possible—knowing when the Mentorship is ready to come to a close. The goal is to keep the process positive from start to finish. So start with the end in mind. If you both know what you want from the process, it will be easier to know when to bring it to a close.
Mentorship is a lifelong learning tool, but that does not mean it has to be with the same mentor. My Mentorship Guide has more on this topic and a full page devoted to planning the next phase of post mentorship and looking back over the mentoring process for good outcomes and lessons learned. This includes setting goals for a future mentoring relationship.
Becoming a better Mentor is a lifelong mission. Do you have tips or feedback on how you've become a better mentor? And if you're a mentee, what advice would you give to make your mentoring partner a better mentor? I'd love to hear from you leave a note in the box below to share your ideas and your mentoring journey so far.
